Love is not a feeling but a practice.
Is love a noun or verb??
There is only one passion that satisfies man’s need to unite himself with the world and to acquire at the same time a sense of integrity and individuality, and this is love. Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self. It is an experience of sharing, of communion, which permits the full unfolding of one’s own inner activity. ― (1955a: The Sane Society, New York (Rinehart and Winston, Inc.) 1955, p. 31.)
The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm disagrees with this conception of love as easy. Instead, he considers love to be the hardest of hard work but, nonetheless, one of the most worthy aims known to the human race. In “The Art of Loving”, and in spite of the heavily gendered language that might not hold up nowadays, Fromm lays out his theory in detail.
Firstly, he notes that many don’t actually appear to want love in the healthy sense. In fact, he notes three common misconceptions that lead people down the wrong path in pursuing love. When people say they want love what they mean is not that they want to love but rather to be loved. We desire some form of affirmation, some sense that we are right in our nature or meant to exist, and being loved is a state that we believe to satisfy this. Some then pursue certain marks of identity that, in a general sense, attract admiration in their culture. For example, many individuals will pursue success, whether financially or through other means, in order to gain the admiration that they believe will lead to them being loved. Others will rely on physical attraction in the vain sense, believing that appearances are all that is needed in order to gain love
Fromm believed that love is an active, conscious choice rather than a passive experience. He argued that love is not something one falls into or out of, but rather something that individuals develop through their actions and attitudes. Love is a skill that can be learned and practiced.
Fromm also distinguished between two types of love: mature love and immature love. Immature love, which he referred to as “falling in love,” is characterized by infatuation, passion, and a focus on one’s own needs. On the other hand, mature love is based on mutual respect, care, and commitment. It involves a genuine connection between individuals, rooted in their shared values and aspirations.
The concept of love has been explored by various philosophers throughout history, and different thinkers have offered their perspectives on this complex and multifaceted topic.
In his dialogue “Symposium,” Plato suggests that love is a desire to possess the good forever. He argues that love is a pursuit of beauty and truth and that it is a force that can lead individuals to transcendence and enlightenment.
Aristotle viewed love as a combination of three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. He believed that these three factors work together to create a deep and meaningful connection between individuals.
St. Augustine, a Christian theologian, considered love as a fundamental force that drives human actions. He categorized love into two types: self-love (Cupiditas), which is driven by selfish desires, and love of God and others (Caritas), which is based on selflessness and divine grace.
Nietzsche saw love as a source of human weakness and vulnerability. He believed that love can lead individuals to sacrifice their own interests and desires for the sake of another person, which he saw as a moral and spiritual slavery.
Sartre, an existentialist philosopher, viewed love as a fundamental aspect of human existence. He argued that love is a way to connect with another person and create a sense of unity and meaning in a world that can often feel chaotic and meaningless.
Beauvoir, an existentialist philosopher, and feminist, emphasized the importance of freedom and reciprocity in love. She emphasized that love should be a relationship between equals, where both individuals retain their autonomy and are not defined solely by their roles as lovers.
Heidegger saw love as a way of being in the world and understanding one’s own existence. He believed that love reveals the true nature of ourselves and others, allowing us to experience a sense of authenticity and connectedness.
Kant argued that true love is based on mutual respect and a desire to promote the well-being of the other person. He believed that love involves a recognition of the other person’s intrinsic value and an appreciation for their unique qualities.
I don’t know what it is… Is it a skill or a rationale? But surely it’s an experience. It’s a force but a part of us making us humans. What do you think?